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Mandroid’s Guide to Lyrics
Part 1
What makes a memorable song lyric? If I could answer that I’d be as big as Biz Markie (which isn’t big enough, by the way). All I can do is offer some examples of notable song lyrics to help us find the answer together. Firstly, five which stick out for the right reasons. It could be because they’re witty, or insightful, or match the music to perfection. Then, five which mar otherwise good songs. You know the sort that, when you’re playing the song to a friend, you purposely try to talk over the top of.
Together we may find the long dreamed-of super-theory of lyric writing that has plagued musicians for centuries. A theory that, a cursory listen to today's music will tell you, is now further away than ever.
Memorable Lyrics in Good Songs
Song "Step Off’ by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five Released as 7" and 12" singles and available on the compilation "Back to the Old School" Lyric "I was sitting on the corner just a wasting my time When I realised I was the king of the rhyme"
Has any rap song ever opened with more charmingly ludicrous lyrics? If lyrics are meant to paint a picture then I like what this paints, some guy sitting out on the street when, suddenly, a flash hits him and he realises he’s the world’s greatest rapper. Imagine if that actually happened to you. You’re driving and suddenly realise you’re the world’s best basketball player. Or you’re sitting on the couch and, suddenly, "Hey, I’m the world’s best screenwriter" (actually that comes uncomfortably close to my latest career move).
I think it’s the offer of rich rewards with no work that makes this lyric so appealing, kind of like a geeky kid who gets superpowers. I think we’d all like to be "king of the rhyme", if only for one day.
Song Theme from the TV show "Pole Position" by Unknown Lyric "Only their uncle knows"
Everyone who’s ever seen this show remembers this one line from the theme song. Why does it stick out? My theory is that it’s the sort of statement you just never hear in a song, particularly in a chorus. Probably no professional lyricist would have put this in here. And that’s why they all stink. Find a download of this song now and enrich your life.
Few people now remember what it was that their uncle knew, and for the record it’s "what’s behind their stunt show?" Few people remember the Atari game the cartoon was based on. And fewer still probably remember their lovable pet Kuma. But people remember their uncle knew something.
Song "Doggy Dogg World" by Snoop Dogg From the album "Doggystyle" Lyric "Knick knack patty whack I’ve still got the biggest sack"
Socially conscious rap is all well and good, but everyone knows that pointlessly profane rap is a lot more fun. Using a child’s rhyme to boast about the size of his scrotum is one of the many inspired bits of profanity on Snoop Dogg’s solo debut (closely followed by "we travel in packs and do it from the back").
The album was released in a golden age between gangster rap and today’s dull bling-bling rap. It’s a great mix of party songs, straight gangster rap, sexual boasts, and those cool song-length stories that used to be on every album (admittedly a cover of a Slick Rick song, but better than nothing).
And for all the profanity in today’s rap, no one’s doing what Snoop Doog did and coming out and saying "She wants the n****r with the biggest nuts". It’s almost as great a declarative statement as "only their uncle knows". And I don’t compare much to the theme from Pole Position.
Song "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" by The Ramones From the album "Ramones" Lyric "Now I wanna sniff some glue Now I wanna have something to do All the kids want to sniff some glue All the kids want something to do"
Other than The Ramones trademark "1, 2, 3, 4" (and a later "5,6,7,8"), that’s the lyrics. But has a more bitter yet defiant song about teenage alienation and boredom ever been recorded? Some bands may write endless and convoluted stories about troubled teens or school shootings. But if they’d heard this song they’d throw their feeble efforts in the trash. One minute and 35 seconds, three or four chords, a couple of words, not particularly tuneful singing = proof that it’s all been done before and been done better.
Song "Jack of Diamonds" by Lonnie Donegan Released as an EP, and on numerous compilations Lyrics "Jack of Diamonds is a hard card to find"
In theory this is the most annoying song ever. In practise it’s the best! Imagine a screeching and caterwauling skiffle player singing endlessly about how hard it is to find the jack of diamonds. Sounds bad, but damn if it didn’t get me frothed up to the point where I would’ve run down to the casino and thrown my wallet at the croupier if there was a casino in Wellington. The song builds into an almost supernatural frenzy about the jack of diamonds. And when the guitar solo comes around and Lonnie says "Deal it up, Jimmy" genius is cemented.
What’s great about songs about specific cards is the arbitrariness of it. I mean, obviously there’s as much chance of finding the jack of diamonds as any other card. This puts it on par with Motorhead’s "Ace of Spades" (why doesn’t anyone sing a song about a wanting a royal flush?). But, I think that’s what makes cards and music so great. They’re pointless and arbitrary, and odds are stacked against you. But people still do it. So maybe "Jack of Diamonds" is the most human song there is.
Bad Lyrics In Good Songs
Song "That’s Life" by Frank Sinatra From the album "That’s Life" Lyric "If there’s nothing shaking come this here July, I’m going to roll myself up in a big ball and die My my."
"That’s Life" is one of my favourite Sinatra tunes. Frank does his best world weary shtick backed by a bluesy Hammond organ and curiously unannoying backing singers. It’s a big, inspiring song with lines like "Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race". It’s uplifting, like "My Way" expect shorter and not overplayed.
That is, until the very end, where the curious lyrics above seem to undermines the whole thing. I would, seriously, want this played at my funeral if it wasn’t for these lines. Like some people wish they’d made a move on the hot girl in high school I wish this lyric wasn’t in this song.
Song "Fat Lip" by Sum*41 From the album "All Killer, No Filler" Lyric "We laugh when old people fall"
While I’m not a huge fan of recent punk bands (or pop-punk, or so-cal punk, or whatever you care to call it) I have to admit "Fat Lip" is one damn catchy song. But given that the main chorus states "I don’t want wanna waste my time, become another casualty of society", the declaration that "You don’t know us at all, we laugh when old people fall" seems kind of weak.
My main objection is that the people who make up the society Sum*41 wants to avoid becoming a casualty of would have laughed when old people feel when they were young. They want to set themselves apart, but the details show they’re just more of the same. Luckily the song is fast enough that the lyric has been and gone before it registers.
Song "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson From the album "Bad" Lyric "Annie are you okay? Are you okay Annie? (ad nauseum)"
One sign that Michael Jackson had gone nuts wasn’t widely reported, his best song, "Smooth Criminal" was left off the "HIStory" compilation. "Smooth Criminal" is notable for being his only song that anyone’s bothered to cover. And it’s a good song, not just for Michael Jackson. But does he have to ask Annie if she’s okay so many times?
As a public service I have counted 44 times that he asks "Annie are you okay?", the variant "Are you okay Annie?", or the extremely rare "Will you tell us that you’re OK". And that’s crammed into 4 minutes and 17 second running time. At some point I would have liked him to ask either "Who did this?" or "Do you know which way he went?".
Song "Do the Funky Chicken" by Rufus Thomas From the album "Do the Funky Chicken" Lyric "I feel so unnecessary"
Rufus Thomas was the self-proclaimed "Funkiest Man Alive" (it was the title of one of his albums) before he died. A song called "Do the Funky Chicken" needed a damn funky man to put it over, so fortunately a perfect musical match was formed. Admittedly the song is pretty ridiculous so complaining about any one line may seem petty. Here’s the bulk of the lyrics:
"Your knees start wiggling all over the place You flap your arms and your feet start kicking Then you know you’re doin’ the funky chicken"
But when it comes to that soul music standby-the breakdown with random chatter- he says some damn weird stuff. Stuff that, dare I say it, made me want to stop doing the funky chicken. First off, our featured lyric, "I feel so unnecessary". He describes this unnecessary state thusly:
"This the sort of stuff that make you feel like you wanna do something nasty Like wipe some chicken gravy on your white shirt Right down front."
Perplexing. Luckily it comes in the middle of the song, and he soon returns to doing the funky chicken and his outburst is temporarily forgotten.
Song "Dimples" by John Lee Hooker From the album "Don’t Look Back" (amongst others) Lyric "She got dimples on her jaw"
A straight-out blues rock love song about a girl John Lee Hooker has his eyes on. "I like the way you walk", "you my baby got my eyes on you", etc. But when he says "she got dimples in her jaw" it strikes me as an amazingly unromantic observation. For your future reference, here are some other body part names that just won’t work in a love song:
Clavicle Seminal vesicle Philtrum Windpipe |
