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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
*** out of *****
 Genres
2005 Directed by Andrew Douglas Written by Scott Kosar Cast Ryan Reynolds .... George Lutz Melissa George .... Kathy Lutz Jesse James .... Billy Lutz Jimmy Bennett .... Michael Lutz Chloë Grace Moretz .... Chelsea Lutz Rachel Nichols .... Lisa Philip Baker Hall .... Father Callaway Isabel Conner .... Jodie Defeo Brendan Donaldson .... Ronald Defeo Annabel Armour .... Realtor
A young family move into a house where murders took place years ago. Spooky things start happening. And the house tries to possess one of the family members to continue the cycle of evil. Depending on how old you are and how many movies you’ve seen you may be intrigued or stifling a yawn at that synopsis. Fortunately the remake of The Amityville Horror is the sort of movie that delivers exactly what you’d expect and nothing more, so it’s not a hard choice whether to bother seeing it or not based on the plot.
 | "No Ryan, you are acting with your
eyes. You must act with your pecs." | That young family are the Lutzes. George Lutz (Ryan Reynolds) is not the father of the three kids. We never get an exact answer about what happened to their father, and it doesn’t seem to make any difference anyway. The mother, Kathy (Melissa George) is surprisingly hard to sum up in a brief phrase other than a woman who worries about her kids and looks suspicious as George goes nutty. The kids, on the other hand, are easy to sum up; Billy = jerk, Michael = freak, Chelsea = moron (and the requisite freaky little girl). Incidentally the parents look remarkably like Heather Graham and Jason Lee the first time we see them, but not after that (the loss didn’t bother me that much).
They find a great mansion on Long Island for an amazingly cheap price. The realtor reluctantly tells them about the murders, but they decide to buy the place anyway. Things go well until freaky things start happening. The bulk of the movie is a long list of all the spooky things haunted houses do in haunted house movies. Taps drip blood, voices come out of the walls, ghosts appear in dreams, mirrors, etc. Some of the scares are effective, some are lame (the babysitter scene builds up well, only to end with a whimper). And a lot are either agonisingly predictable or unlikely; I mean how many fridge doors have the exact magnetic letters and apostrophes to be rearranged into "Katch ‘em and Kill ‘em"? (Just checked my fridge, it doesn’t).
 | A young Julianne Moore makes a
surprise appearance. | The-ghost-is-behind-you scenes aside, when the house tries to possess George it is done pretty well. His level of possession and insanity is built up in a well structured and well acted manner. It’s this that keeps the film from being a laughable collection of clichéd scenes. And while you may be wondering why the family doesn’t just move out or ditch the psycho, the explanations for their staying are just believable enough to keep the movie going.
Only in the last scene do things simply fly off the rails. Without revealing details, it seems to take Kathy and awfully long time to drive back from town, and she gets back at an awfully convenient time. And I didn’t buy that Father Callaway would wait so long to say what he said. And I don’t find the last part scary enough for a climax.
 | "Perhaps you, the viewer at home,
are the ghost." | But, if you want a reasonably scary haunted house film, then The Amityville Horror is fine. Perfect for a sleepover, if you do that sort of thing. Sure, the discordant scary sound effects every time you’re supposed to jump out of your seat get tiring, but on the whole it isn’t dull. There are a lot of shit horror films out there, so one that just does the business and ends is worth checking out.
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