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Dispatches from the War of the Worlds
Compiled by Mandroid3000
With a War of the Worlds raging where do people turn for comfort and understanding? To me, of course. I have been deluged with messages from people caught up in the chaos. And like all good citizen journalists, I am sharing these messages with the world. And like all good muckracking news websites, they stories show that the reality on the ground is a lot different than what’s being reported by both the liberal and conservative media.
The only other survivor on my block is this really hot chick
From Barry Herlihy So, I’ve had a crush on my hot neighbour for, like, forever. And when the tripods levelled my neighbourhood was I in luck or what! She was the only other survivor. You may think with all the death I’d be feeling out of the mood, but I’m feeling cool. My Mum died, but she’d been on my ass about moving out and playing so much Worlds of Warcraft recently, so it’s actually a bit of a relief. The thing is, this chick has gone a little weird. Last night I saw here seating her family’s corpses around their dinner table and force feeding them canned peas. She looked damn hot doing it, but I’m not so sure how to introduce myself now. Any tips?
I’m not that bothered that there’s a war of the worlds going on
From Gordy Weinstein It may look bad on TV, but let me tell ya. It’s all hype! All those people running and screaming. What are ya running for! What are ya! Let me spell it out: about four blocks get levelled and a bunch of gawkers got turned to dust. That’s it, but everyone’s banging on like it’s the end of everything. Jeez, I may have no electricity, but I’ve got batteries, some books, canned food. Everyone should just friggin’ relax.
I don’t know a lot about the issues yet…
From Susanah Brinkley …but I’m planning on finding out quite soon. I mean, no one strikes out like this without a reason right? We need to like raise funds to like rebuild our cities and all, but we also need to, you know, understand. Be more understanding even, we’re kind of understanding already. Some of us, girls mostly. If women ran the country there’d be no war of the worlds. Our caring has to be turned into action or else this will happen again and again, and it’s unjust. If we just treated the poor better. I don’t know if that’s the reason why this is going on, but I’m just saying. We don’t treat them that well. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if we’d treated them nicer. Come on, what are you doing to save the world? At least, I’m, like, asking questions and have my eyes open and stuff.
That is great fertiliser!
From Marge Jameson While in my favourite gardening chat rooms I discovered a strange thing. It’s only in my city that the alien’s blood & bone fertiliser is causing poppies to thrive in cold winter temperatures. Why? Well I have a theory. I think it may be the iron-rich soil in the rural areas of Illinios (where a large amount of our fresh produces originates from) mixing with the phosphate rich soil here in Bakerton (thanks to the United Phospate plant explosion of 1943). The extra iron in the blood of those (let us never forget them) poor victims of the alien’s brutality is helping the flowers ward off the winter chills. Amazing!
Those aliens just screwed up my Warhammer tournament
From Eugene Pringle I’d been organising this tournament for months, the best players from around the state of New England battling it out in the recreation centre off the Wynona Baptist Church. You have no idea how hard it is to get a weekend when someone isn’t going to a spelling bees, fat camp, or getting their cleft palette fixed or something. Finally I got this thing up and running and I had the best player in New England, Huffy McBride, down to his last ten goblins. And then BOOM!!! Those damn tripods start rising up. Huffy survived, but he is never going to agree to restart the game at the point we were up to.
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