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Home arrow Living and Junk arrow Ask Mrs. Fong! arrow Ask Mrs. Fong! 4

 E-mail
Written by Mrs. Fong   
ASK MRS. FONG!
What you need to hear but are too dumb to know


Dear Mrs. Fong
I work at a power plant, and my boss is always giving me grief over "safety" and "hazardous substances". Doesn't everyone have their off-years? How do I get him off my back?
Max Power
Dunedin

What you think about all day? Bon bon…? Lover….? Ant man….? Problem not movement. Problem is mentality! Some animal eat and poo. Some animal poo and eat. Only one animal is smart but too lazy, poo hand and throw. That animal monkey. You are monkey. Monkey is you.


Dear Mrs. Fong
The Americans are stupid twats. What makes them think they own the world?
For a Free World
Kelston

America like child on special birthday. Blinded by cheap cotton and plastic shoe. What child not know is plastic shoe made by Mystical Dragon. One day, special birthday will be over. Then, Mystical Dragon reign, will last forever!


Dear Mrs. Fong
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago because I thought I’d met "the one". I think I’ve made a huge mistake. I can’t sleep. I eat all day. I’ve stopped going to the gym. I’m a complete mess. Help me!
Felicity
Mt Cook

Aiya, when you get through thick skull? Girl like you tuk tuk driver. Skinny with lots sinew. Need tuk tuk! But you, you forget that. Now you no more tuk tuk. No more boyfriend. You foolish girl. Foolish girl have no boyfriend.


Dear Mrs. Fong
Could you please settle a dispute I am having with my partner. She claims that a main ingredient in chop suey is chop of dog. I cannot believe this is true. Please settle this confusion once and for all!!
Mere Male
Club MED

You a bit silly man. You order chop suey, only get vegetable! Is healthy, but where is protein for you? You want dog, must order beef black bean. Is special code for tasty meat.


Dear Mrs. Fong.
What is your problem with fat people? You of all people should understand how hurtful discrimination can be.
Starvos
Hamilton

When Mrs. Fong young seamstress girl in Hong Kong, I sing song to myself that translate something like this:

"I tailor fat man’s pants more than skinny man’s pants. Which pants do you want buy? Which pants do you want buy?

I make money from fat man’s pants, much more money than skinny man’s pants. Which pants do you want buy? Which pants do you want buy?"

It is lovely song. Perhaps is also pertinent question for you.



Who is Mrs. Fong?
An up and coming talent in the increasingly stale agony aunt industry, it was the simplicity of the Mrs Fong message which first caught the attention of Karate Party. Instead of sympathetic, tactful advice that serves to pander to your irritating self-obsessed neurosis, Mrs. Fong will tell you what you need to hear.

A mysterious figure in a shady world, many things have been said about Mrs. Fong. It has been rumoured that she was once an acrobat in the Hong Kong circus and that she also dated the actor George Peppard. Now aged 52, Mrs. Fong lives with Mr. Fong, an import-export director and is mother to Milton, Gwyneth and Terry.

You can email Mrs. Fong c/o Karate Party: karateparty@gmail.com.
 
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