KarateParty.org - Prince & Me, The (2004)

Genres
Comedy
Romance

2004
Directed by
Martha Coolidge
Writing credits
Mark Amin (story) and
Katherine Fugate (story)
Jack Amiel (screenplay) &
Michael Begler (screenplay) and
Katherine Fugate (screenplay)
Cast
Julia Stiles .... Paige Morgan
Luke Mably .... Eddie/Prince Edvard
Ben Miller .... Soren
Miranda Richardson .... Queen Rosalind
James Fox .... King Haraald

Do you want a textbook example of uninspired movie-making for teen girls? Yes? Well, here’s the required course book. The Prince & Me is about Edvard, the hunky, but troublesome, Prince of Denmark. He decides to break free of the family’s constraints and go to college in Wisconsin (based on seeing an ad for Girls Gone Wild). He keeps his royalty a secret, and gets involved with Paige Morgan (Julia Stiles).

I know Julia Stiles can act, see The Business of Strangers for an example. Here her character starts off as damn boring and doesn’t get much better. Stiles has no option but to suck as well. Paige is from a rural farming family and never had things easy in life, what a stunningly original character through whose eyes to view the proceedings. Paige has friends, but the way they sit and listen to her talk about nothing but her own study and graduate school plans reminds you that you watching a piece of escapist fantasy for self-obsessed teens.

Edvard is a lame character played by a dull actor. And, wow, he’s the exact opposite of Paige. He’s been raised in privilege, and he’s not focused on his life goals. In fact he doesn’t seem to have any except avoiding being the King of Denmark. For the “fun” character in this rom com he’ll remind absolutely no one of Cary Grant (or even Steve Guttenberg). And, do you think opposites will attract? What a surprise, they do.

Edvard ends up as both Paige’s chem lab partner and work mate in the student cafeteria. He introduces himself by asking to see her rack, just like in Girls Gone Wild, wacka wacka. One of the funnier scenes occurs in the diner. Edvard is, I assume, supposed to see Paige as graceful and enchanting, not just as a slutty college girl whose tits he wants to see. He gazes on as she dances around while cleaning the tables, trying to look enchanted. He deserves an Oscar for that, Stiles answers the age old question of what it would look like if Boris Karloff starred in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Ben Miller plays Edvard’s loyal valet Soren, a badly written stock character who is there so Edvard doesn’t have to speak in soliloquies. When the Prince leaves him alone on campus for the Thanksgiving break, the best they can think to do with him is to have him get hooked on computer games. Oh how amusing, the posh royal valet playing a shoot ‘em up. The world in which that qualifies as a joke is a world I don’t want to live in.

And the Thanksgiving weekend, wow. Prince Edvard in rural Wyoming. Does he win over the rural family that may be rough around the edges, but has a whole lot of common-sense and heart? You bet. Does he help Paige’s brothers win an incredibly lame lawnmower race? Wow, he does. Does Paige’s father offer up embarrassing home-spun wisdom about the big farmers and the little farmers co-operating? Uh-huh.

Back at school after the holidays some Danish paparazzi track Edvard down, and Paige finds out he’s the Prince of Denmark. She’s angry, then she’s not, then they get engaged and go back to Denmark. Since Edvard’s father is sick, he may be the King soon, which means Paige will be the Queen. But what about her hopes and dreams? Can she give them up for duty to a country she’s been in for ten minutes? You’ll just have to watch, it’s so very exciting.

For lovers of a good debate, there’s a great one here. Edvard, as the stand-in Head of State, oversees a meeting between union reps and business leaders aimed at avoiding a strike. They’re all bickering away, but Edvard tells everyone to be quiet. They all stop and listen to him relate what Paige’s dad said about co-operation. And they ‘re all so struck by this profound wisdom that the strike is diverted.

Oh how symbolic, oh how charming. Oh how by-the-numbers. The Prince & Me will only please young girls who are attracted to the sick fantasy of a prince in disguise and haven’t seen enough movies to be wise to the panoply of clichés in this pile of garbage. They may have spackled some feminist sensibilities over this age-old structure, but it’s still rotten as hell underneath.

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