KarateParty.org - The 2005 V 24 Hour Movie Marathon

In the 24 hours the organisers managed to fit in 12 films of varying genres and styles, the majority of which seemed to be b-grade horror or exploitation with a few newer films thrown into the mix. Below is a chronicling of my very own decent into the madness that is the V 24 Hour Movie Marathon. I have tried to remember the films in the order they were shown, also the timing is not exact. After 24 hours of being awake my mind may not be trusted just yet and could take a few days to get back to normal.

5.50pm I found a seat, one I was sure would provide some sort of comfort throughout the marathon. It had enough leg room and space in front with room for my bags of food and change of clothes (undergarments and a fresh T-shirt, it’s not a shower but a change of these can make a huge difference in how you feel especially after the 12 hour mark. A wise bit of advice from our very own Mandroid). We were all welcomed and the first film began after a series of crappy b-movie trailers.

6.15pm Konga. Prior to the start of this film one of the organisers, Ant Timpson, indicated that this giant monkey movie was a special treat for us and that the print had just been sent from "across town". Also, the entire audience was going to have to sign confidentiality agreements. He was, of course, referring "King Kong", the gag was going to be revealed as soon as the film’s title was seen across the screen. However, the joke fizzled when the projectionists fucked up and the first five seconds were blank. The first thing that showed was the credit for the film’s star Michael Gough. Ant had wandered outside the cinema during the trailers and didn’t know that his elaborate gag had failed, until our intrepid Mandroid informed him at the end of the film. Ant soon made an announcement to that effect, but you know what happens when you explain a joke… It’s too late for it to be funny. Alas.

Anyway the film is a great b-movie monster flick which, as mentioned before, stars Michael Gough who played Alfred in the Batman movies (the recent ones by Burton and Schumacher, not the 1966 version). After having crashed his plane in Africa, Dr. Charles Decker spends a year with a tribe discovering new plant life and a means to advance evolution. After a year he returns to England to put to practice what the Witch Doctors had taught him. He has brought back the native plants that will help in making a serum that he tests on his pet monkey Konga. Things don’t go the Doctor’s way and Konga ends up doing his dirty work.

Konga eventually breaks loose when Decker’s jealous secretary/personal assistant/lover Margaret finds him trying to make out with one of his students (and by ‘make out’ we mean force himself onto her). Margaret injects Konga with more serum that allows him to grow to gigantic proportions, he escapes and wreaks havoc on the streets on London. This is basically Britain’s version of King Kong. It’s cheesy and badly written, however Michael Gough was entertaining as the Doctor. The effects were terrible and the giant Gorilla was quite clearly a man in a suit. What I found funny was that Konga started out as a chimp, but as he grew he became a Gorilla. Clearly the filmmakers didn’t care about getting the correct species right. Overall it was bad but in a funny way, I give it 7/10.

7.50pm our break ended and we got into our second film of the night The Descent. I haven't been genuinely freaked out by a horror in a while, and this was edge of your seat thrilling flick about a group of female adventurers that go on a caving expedition. Because that’s what hip 20-something British chicks do! They get stuck in an uncharted cave system and discover a bunch of freaky Gollum-looking monsters that begin to hunt them down systematically. Oh yeah, these things are also blind and hunt with sound. The film doesn’t really get going until about 30 minutes into it, the director gives you ample time to get to know the characters, get you comfortable with who they are and what’s going on and then unleashes non-stop edge of your seat excitement and frights. It was also during this film that the fireworks display for Guy Fawkes Day had begun, the sound of which added a strangely appropriate sense of menace to the film. It was also somewhere during this film, someone almost fainted and had to go outside, what a pussy. This was a standout 9/10, I should also note that this is a new film and could be making its way to your local Cineplex.

10.00pm A campy exploitation fairly tale would be our next film, The New Adventures of Snow White. There wasn’t really a story here, just a mish-mash of Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty and two characters, Hans and Heinz, that travel throughout the land taking us from one encounter to the next. Lots of exposed breasts, midgets dressed as Snow White’s Dwarfs and a forest full of horny cursed animals that all were once beautiful Princes and Princesses. Funny moments included the awakening of Sleeping Beauty by the two bumbling idiots Hans and Heinz, as they try to convince her father that neither of them woke her up. Whoever did it must make love to her to break her spell of ugliness, the problem is she’s too ugly to screw. Eventually she gives up on seducing these guys and tries to chase after the forest animals to bang her back to beauty, but alas they all flee, until a bear eventually mounts her and both their curses are lifted. This flick was really bad but it’s one of those films that are so bad they're good. 5/10

Throughout this flick I found time to each more junk, eventually I started to feel a little sick so I laid off the energy drinks and started to drink water. If you’ve entered yourself into a marathon drink plenty of water, doesn’t matter if you’re running hundreds of kilometers or planting your ass in a chair for a day to watch movies, it’s still a marathon and your body still needs water. It was also around the halfway mark of this film that I wondered if anyone in the cinema had fornicated with their partner or even solo during a screening yet. Sometimes when the mood is right you just gotta pound, for some people dwarfs and horny animals are often triggers to this type of behaviour.

11.30pm and for our fourth film we were treated to Dead Meat, a film that the organisers hadn’t seen before the screening, and Ant proclaimed to be total ‘shite’ afterwards. This is an Irish horror about mad cow infections, total crap, the story was balls, the acting was wooden, the dialogue was stupid, the characters were all boring except one guy that is found in a field with his 4x4 truck who was funny only for the reason that half the time you couldn’t understand what the fuck he was saying. But after a while his shtick and the fact that you actually can’t understand what he’s saying got old. It looked like a student film with a bunch of useless camera angles, sometimes you wonder what the hell they were trying to do. The sound design was amateur at best and the music cues were off, as if they

decided that building tension with the use of innovative photography or music wasn’t really that important, well guess what; IT IS! And a few decent actors would also help, half the time the chick in this film was having a gentle walk through the country-side, fuck that! If a horde of flesh-eating zombie freaks are out there, my ass is running not taking my time to enjoy the bland scenery of Ireland. Also, was it just me or did the zombie make-up looked like caked on semen? I give 1/10 to this piece of shit.

1.30am Top Secret! There are few movies in a person’s life that when originally viewed as a child were magic. These are the types of films that are etched in one’s memory for some reason or another. It could be that film touched a nerve, or the people and/or places you experienced the film with. Then you revisit them as an adult and the memory is ruined and you realize that the film is total shit. I haven't seen Top Secret! since I was about 8, and as an adult I find it silly, stupid and totally crap. But it's a fun movie especially seeing it on the big screen with an audience. I thought that watching this would ruin my memory of the original experience, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, this could have something to do with the fact that by this time in the night the sugars in my body had mutated and started a siege of my brain. Throughout this flick I probably blinked about a dozen times. A cry for help? You decide… besides how could a film that has a "Skeet Surfin'" sequence at the beginning not be pure brilliance? I give this film a 6/10.

3.15am Top Secret! Really did get me worked up, my energy levels were high and I was hoping that the next film could carry or at least sustain my current mood. My hopes would be crushed with The Sacred Knives of Vengeance. This old school kung-fu action flick featured the worst dubbing I’d ever heard, and it was extremely cheesy. The kicker, however, was that the story was really hard to follow, it made little sense. Which is why I’ve decided not to explain what this film was about…because honestly I can’t. It was as if the people dubbing the film decided to fuck it and add their own story that included characters that went by different names as children than as adults! It was during this film that I had to take a shit, which as I recall was the first time since before the marathon started that I had to take a dump. If anything this film seems to cleanse you of poo, I highly recommend this film as an effective laxative and for this reason only I give it 4/10.

5.00am Confessions of a Young American Housewife, is "hardcore exploitation", so said Ant Timpson. It’s about two partner-swapping couples, but things get weird when one of the girl's mums comes over for a visit and before long she joins in on their sexual wonderland. There was way too much sex, it's one soft-core sex scene after another (if I ever see another nipple licked it will be too soon). It had some funny moments, including some hilarious dialogue such as "You always wanted to suck your mama's titties, didn't you!", and a character that just kept eating stuff, she was a food vacuum cleaner. It was exploitation weirdness, the mother stuff was a bit much, the film felt like it was eight hours long. It was during this flick that a few great calls were made from the audience including one from Mandriod that was rather hilarious: "They managed to make Lesbians boring". There were many scenes where the main character and her swinging friend walk in the park endlessly without saying much to each other, these scenes usually were placed after a raunchy sex scene. It was during these scenes that I called out "So last night was pretty weird huh?". The audience laughed, it was great. I tried it every time those scenes came on but the laughter diminished the more I used that line, it was getting old but by that point into the viewing my brain was losing contact with my mouth. The film was taxing and plain shit I give it 4/10.

6.45am My eyes hurt and my mind was defeated by what seemed like hours of nipple licking, a little part of me died during that last film. Hopefully what comes next will rejuvenate me. Ant did mention prior to the screening that a friend of his saw this next film in Harlem when it was originally released, and the screening ended in a near riot. A good sign that the film was shocking.

Fight for your Life, widely written about as being one of the most racists movies ever made. It’s yet another in a line of exploitation flicks of the '70s but much darker than most, it's not as shocking now but back in the '70s it may have been. We follow three escaped cons as they take a black family hostage, and constantly humiliated them about being black. For example, they are constantly called coons by these escaped cons. In one scene the main bad guy Jesse forces the father to dance by shooting at his feet, because black people are supposed to be entertaining. It can sometimes be hard to watch, but eventually the bad guys get what’s coming to them so it all works out in the end. Overall it probably wasn’t a great choice to play so late into the marathon since a few people were slightly disturbed by it, but after the last two films I’d have watched just about anything to get over them. I give this film a 6/10 and a 10/10 for helping me partially forget about the last two films.

8.30am It was at this time we that had a 1 hour break for breakfast, I wandered over to the Establishment along with nearly everyone that attended the marathon for a $10 breakfast buffet. It was an average breakfast nothing entirely special, I sat outside simply enjoying the fact that I was outside after spending many hours in a dark room of mostly strange people. I sat with Ant and Steven (the other organiser) along with a friend. We chatted about films that screened at previous marathons among other things. It started to rain and get a tad cold, so we relocated inside and before long it was time to head back into it.

9.30am We began again with the Rob Zombie film The Devil's Rejects. I hated his previous film House of 1000 Corpses and this was also taxing on me. The only thing I liked about this movie was the opening sequence, the cinematography really captured 1970s Texas and the heat, it felt like a grind house film should (however at the end of the day no matter how well you photograph it, a big pile of shit is still just that, shit), and the score/soundtrack was also quite good. Otherwise, Rob Zombie should stop making movies.

I wasn’t really looking forward to this and my initial thoughts were solidified throughout this film. It was a turd that had an ending that went on and on and on. Not to mention characters that were mostly annoying, especially a scene where Baby (Played by Zombie’s wife Sheri Moon Zombie) wants to stop for ice cream and she and the awful clown Captain Spaulding start chanting "Tooti Fucking Fruity" over and over again to make the driver, Otis, stop for said ice cream. This stands as one of the most annoying moments captured on film and it was at this point in the marathon that I began constructing a noose with my shoelaces. In terms of the characters, there didn't seem to be any real audience connection with them and I really didn't care whether they lived or died, I just wanted the movie to end. 3/10 is the most I’m willing to give this. I also found that this film’s placing wasn’t the best seeing as it played right after Fight For Your Life, both films had significantly large portions of them dealing with psycho rednecks taking people hostage and humiliating them.

10.45am The Christine Jorgensen Story began. It's about the first ever sex change operation, where a young American guy George goes to Denmark to get a sex change. His family is embarrassed, the press are making a mockery of him/her, but eventually Christine finds love with a journalist that's covering her story...but she's afraid to commit. This was weird, but the dream sequences of George dreaming he was a woman where funny as hell. Also, a scene with him in the army going to a whore house is also awkwardly humorous. Yet another example of a film that's soo bad but soo good. Unfortunately for me I had to go to pee multiple times throughout this film, my friends interpreted this as a need to perhaps touch myself in private as a result of the imagery of the film having an effect on me. This was not the case, I simply drank too much water during the previous film. Anyway this film was awkward, disturbing but had some rather unintentionally funny moments, 5/10.

1.30pm I was looking forward to The Exorcism of Emily Rose, but after about 40 minutes I was utterly bored by it. Not only that, but the scares were cheap and insulting to the audience. Mandriod pointed out that they managed to turn most of the cool things about exorcisms into complete boredom, and that nothing in this film couldn't have been wrapped up in a 45 minute episode of Law & Order, instead they made a 2 hour movie. This was courtroom drama with the occasional cheap scare, and the only film I did not see in its entirety throughout the marathon. I chose to spend the time on the balcony of the Paramount with a few others that decided not to watch the film and talked trash and movies. This film gets a 2/10, don’t waste your time going to see this.

3.30pm And we had a bit of fun. Members from the audience were chosen to come to the front of the cinema and re-enact the exorcism. from Emily Rose. I was chosen and since I hadn’t seen most of the film I decided to wing it (besides one demon possession is no different from one another, right?). Anyway, on the count of three I spasmed my heart out for about 30 seconds and at the end we had to maintain our final positions. It was a bit hard trying to stay still. Three finalists were chosen and I wasn’t one of them, so I went back to my seat and observed the remaining three have a go at winning some prizes. It was up to the audience to judge but one girl had a huge support crowd that helped her out. She was not the right choice to win it and the organizers saw that and awarded the prize of DVDs to the right person in the end.

Also, at the beginning of the night 24 people were given a blank V can and a green vivid and our mission was to design a can graphic for the marathon. I had decided to create a montage of things from various films in the marathon. I submitted my can for judging, and we were to find out after the screening of our final film who would win that competition. I was fairly confident that I would win, that is until I saw one can that was fucking amazing. Doubt crept into my mind. But I let it go and decided to focus my last remaining energy on whatever the last film would be. Earlier I tried to guess what it might be, I was told it was a fan favorite, The Story of Ricky was one that popped into my head, and so did Wet Hot American Summer. But it turned out to be a John Carpenter classic.

4.00pm kicked off with The Thing, this is the first time I've ever seen it on the big screen and it was excellent. The print had some damage to it, the first reel was faded and was a bit red, but just watching this with an audience was a total treat. If you are reading this and you don’t know anything about this film then something’s wrong with you. Go out and rent this movie quick. What a great way to end the marathon, this film gets a 9/10.

Mandroid’s experience was a little different than mine. He had, during the course of the marathon, drunk at least one can of V during each film. He had also been taking No Doz pills, and managed to stay up through the entire marathon. By the time The Thing began his brain was "really ditzy" and could hardly focus. So what he was after was some razzle dazzle, he craved quick cuts and a fast energy, even something he hadn’t seen before. But instead he got a film that slowly builds suspense and tension, he basically felt like an ADD child strapped to a chair at a piano recital. But his resilience was strong and being so close to the end he remained in his chair, his will didn’t break, but I’m sure his mind did, because after that he seemed a little on edge. His body movement was somber but behind his eyes you could see the pain.

5.50pm and we are just ten minutes shy of 24 hours, but most people don’t really seem to care. I exited the theater feeling like poo, my eyes hurt, my brain was fried and I must of smelt like a raw steak left out in the sun all day. I had my pillow and bags in hand after a night of interesting films, although there was the absence of Wolf Creek, which I would have loved to see, and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, but that’s no big deal as the later is currently playing now and the former will surely start soon.

Overall I saw great b-grade exploitation films, edge of your seat horror and, of course, a few shit ones. But hey, you can’t have a 100% strike rate. Overall it was worth it and I’d do it again. I should also mention that Mandroid and I were not the only KP staff represented at the marathon, our CEO Juan Incognito and regular columnist Root were also there, but it seemed like every time I turned to them they were asleep. Perhaps they will dispute this claim but on almost every occasion I went to talk to them they were coming out of a sleep haze.