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Written by Root
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 | Michael 'Fabio' Bay
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Recently we have seen a trend from Michael Bay to make sweeping epic movies that are full of explosions and action, and light on the substance and plot. Movies like Pearl Harbor showed that Bay is committed to making movies just the way he wants them, even if they are way too long, and would leave anyone with a primary school education in history either blushing with shame, or pumping their fists in anger.
Uwe Boll has shown a strong desire to continue his efforts to flog the dead horse that is the video-game-movie-crossover, despite the fact that it has been scientifically proven that people would rather talk dirty to their parents than sit through more than 30 minutes of any of his films.  | The German taxpayer's Friend
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With their respective problems in mind, e.g. that Bay often fucks up the story telling part, and that Uwe is usually telling his story to an empty cinema, I have come up with a project that will hopefully bring out the best of both of them:
RISK: THE MOVIE
While not a traditional video game per se, Risk has several advantages:
1) There really is fuck all story involved for Michael Bay to misinterpret. Sure he could have an army hold a continent without getting stronger, but this sort of thing could almost certainly be solved in post production, so long as Bay is not let anywhere near the editing suite.
2) By playing second fiddle to Bay, Uwe would be forced to spend most of his time with Blue screen CGI work, and would be able to develop some form of story outside of the massive battles that Bay would be conducting. Most importantly, without any original plot in the game, the movie would be able to attract fans of the game, but unlike the rest of Uwe’s films, they are less likely to leave the cinema feeling that everything they loved about the franchise has been raped from them in a brutal mind fuck.
3) Finally, even if they make a stupid, bloated 3 hour epic that is pure bull shit, given the lack of plot guidelines, a talented editor should be able to salvage something usable, and repackage the rest as the deluxe extended edition for those complete retards that clearly can’t tell the difference between caviar and dog shit.
 | Complexity = Good
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Finally, while this has no artistic bearing, it is worth noting in this increasingly commercially driven world that Risk has something to give that no mere video game can match - unlimited, ‘do whatever the fuck you want’, sequel potential. I mean, the first movie does ok, you can basically follow it up with anything you like; video game movie does well, you have to try and be truthful to the original storyline, or risk being shot by some uber-nerd that goes off his medication.
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