ASK MRS. FONG!
What you need to hear but are too dumb to know

Dear Mrs. Fong,
I have an eight-year old son who always disobeys me. What should I do?
Melanie
Masterton

Son have many purpose in life.  One is obey parent.  Another is be organ match.  Until Mrs Fong son, Terry Fong, 24 year old he one big retard.  He believe in professional wrestling until day Mrs. Fong hit him on head with two by four piece wood to show him cannot be true.  That how Mrs. Fong get new kidney. True story.

Dear Mrs. Fong,
I was sitting at home drinking merlot in front of my fireplace one evening, when it struck me how meaningless my life had become.  There are so many starving, underprivileged people in this world, how can one person make a difference?
Stephen
St Heliers

You one big cry baby, maybe want nappy to wipe away tear? You know people with no water can not drink tear.  Maybe want use dirty nappy too, so can save tree?  Oh no problem you can reuse nappy, you so good at wringing hand. And poor people life have meaning.  Meaning is to find food so no to die.

Dear Mrs. Fong,
While out driving recently, our car experienced a flat. As we had no jack with which to elevate the vehicle, my husband forced me to hold the rear aloft while he changed the tyre. Mrs. Fong, is this the proper way to treat a car?
The Doctor
Boston, MA

Big muscle woman lift car? Mrs. Fong surprise you have husband at all!  Thinks maybe weight of muscle break car in first place. Western women big and strong, like horse. Can carry husband on muscly hip.

Dear Mrs. Fong,
I have this problem….. Well it's not me it’s my friend… Well it’s not really my friend it’s his friend…. (Okay so I mean me..).  For three weekends in a row I tried to pick up sexy young women at the local Burger King – I order fries and hang around the drink machine waiting for the frequent free-refillerers, but with no success.  Why haven’t I found the woman of my dreams?  Am I destined to forever look longingly at the bottom of my large fries packet – or do you see Mrs. Right just round the corner?
PS.  Should I go with the sundae next time?
Rotunda Waista (aka. Mr shake and fries)
Courtney Central

You know Rotunda this no psychic column.  All I predict for you is diabetes and amputated foot.

Dear Mrs. Fong,
I’m heading off to Thailand soon on a backpacking holiday and need some good haggling tips.  Got some to share?
River Spring
Te Aro

Mrs. Fong  glad you ask.  Only person better than old Chinese woman at hard bargain is old Indian woman.  But in all other area of economic development and culture China more superior.  India so poor, have make bad food taste good with spice.  China everything good, so eat everything. Eat you if you come for holiday.