Written byMandroid3000

Update: Several people have politely pointed out that Duke Nukem was originally omitted from the list. This was a serious oversight, and a lesson in not expecting to remember everything you think of while pumping gas. Take notes people!

The late 1980s and early 1990s were the apex of the rad cultural hero; they appeared in movies like Rad and were the commercial and cultural lynch pins of the most important art form of our generation, video games.

But unlike the heroes of Victorian adventure novels, the Golden Age of comic books, and the WWII era of cheesecake pin-ups, there has been little sadness in their passing and not much in the way of kitchsy merchandising with which to pay an ironic tribute to them. Only in obscure corners of the internet are they still admired.

Karate Party is one of those corners.

With such an inspirational teaser, I’m sure you’re now saying “I want to know more. What were the central precepts of the rad ethos?"

Now, don’t be tempted to turn to more respectable sources of information to answer this question. Dictionary definitions of “rad” prove only why you shouldn’t rely on a dictionary to explain deep philosophical movements. Dictionary.com gives, among several scientific definitions:

Slang. fine; wonderful.

That ain't a definition you can take to the skate park.

This article will try and show, through a process I call ‘sentence fragments’, just what is rad and what is lame.

Rad: Bazooka for a guitar. Pompadour. Sunglasses. Wide stance. Cocky attitude.
Lame: Too much purple. Came with an audio CD featuring a track by one of the M People.

49 – Bonk
First appearance: 1990  -  Bonk’s Adventure  -  TurboGrafx 16
List of all appearances

Rad: In-your-face attitude. Cave man. Infinite tolerance for head butting. Saucy name.
Lame: Is he a bald caveman or just a baby? Babies aren’t that rad, and make the name kind of disturbing.

Rad: Just a guy’s feet. Can apparently beat up robots.
Lame: The second part of the game’s name is basically the same as the first. Top half of him could be a dork.

47 - Sonic the Hedgehog
First appearance: 1991  -  Sonic the Hedgehog  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
List of all appearances

Rad: Fast, has a mohawk. Pantless.
Lame: Also has a rat's tail. Too friendly to be truly radical.

46 – Scooter
1990  -  Menace Beach  -  NES

Rad: Skateboard, clenched fists. Knee pads.
Lame: Nerd. Skates widthways and on tiptoes.

45 – One Eye Jack
2001  -  No Rules: Get Phat  -  Game Boy Advance

Rad: Flaming skateboard. Is a child with wrinkles and grey hair like an old man.
Lame: May be trying too hard. Is the radness felt in the soul?

Rad: Bank robbers. Sunglasses. Tough guys.
Lame: This form of radness is not portable to real life; being in jail cramps most styles.

43 – Greendog
1992  -  Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Nice tan. Surfer. Dude.
Lame: Too chilled out. Scenario of game means he can’t actually surf.

42 – Rad Gravity
1990  -  The Adventures of Rad Gravity  -  NES

Rad: Name. Animation makes him look like he’s pulling out his schlong.
Lame: Looks like Dick Clark. Animation makes him look like he’s Dick Clark pulling out his schlong.

41 – Hammerin’ Harry
1990  -  Hammerin’ Harry  -  Arcade

Rad: Hammer. Headband. Red pants. Possible sexual innuendo in name.
Lame: No in-your-faceness or expressions of sass. Just a hard working man who likes hitting people with his hammer.

Rad: Is a duck that blows dogs up with dynamite.
Lame: Looks genuinely psychotic.

39 – Captain Falcon
1990  -  F-Zero  -  SuperNES
Read all about the dreamy Captain Falcon

Rad: Colourful clothes. Cocky pose.
Lame: Looks like a bit of a hard ass. Could just be an angry old guy under that hood.

38 – Larry Koopa
First appearance: 1988  -  Super Mario Bros. 3  -  NES
List of all appearances

Rad: Mohawk. Attitude.
Lame: Always gets beaten by Mario. Bowser's patsy.

37 – Wild Woody
1995  -  Wild Woody  -  Sega CD

Rad: Highly suggestive.
Lame: Just a pencil.

36 – J.J. & Jeff
1990  -  J.J. & Jeff  -  Turbo Grafx-16

Rad: Nice clothes. Nice hair. Attitude to go around.
Lame: Campy styles. Maybe more than attitude to go around.

35 – Dash Galaxy
1990  -  Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum  -  NES

Rad: Space adventure hero. Wavy hair. Lighting bolt on jacket.
Lame: Too square-jawed and clean cut. Gloves too clean.

34 – Shadow the Hedgehog
First appearance: 2001  -  Sonic Adventure 2  -  Dreamcast
List of all appearances

Rad: Biker. Black clothes. Bad ass version of Sonic.
Lame: Still a hedgehog.

33 – Snowboarder from Heavy Shreddin’
1990  -  Heavy Shreddin’  -  NES

Rad: Colour scheme. Pink snowboard.
Lame: Colour scheme. Pink snowboard.

32 – Mr. Nutz
1999  -  Mr. Nutz  -  Game Boy Colour

Rad: Highly suggestive. Willing mouth in background.
Lame: Green hair tint. Hasn’t teamed up with Wild Woody.

31 – The Cast of Rock & Roll Racing
1993  -  Rock & Roll Racing  -  SuperNES, Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Future sport. Relishment of hyper violence. Saucy use of tongue.
Cons: Makes driving down the road less fun – radical skill set not easily portable to real life.

30 – Baba Orninion
First appearance: 1998  -  F-Zero-X  -  Nintendo 64

Rad: Leopard skin vest. Sass.
Lame: I suck at F-Zero, so as far as I know he drives like an old lady.

29 – Future Knight
1986  -  Future Knight  -  ZX Spectrum

Rad: Fantasy character with rad sensibilities.
Lame: May just be angry.

28 – ToeJam and Earl
First appearance: 1991  -  ToeJam and Earl  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Old skool rap vibe. Sunglasses.
Lame: Could be seen as merely a pigger and origger. British summer camp polka dot shorts.

27  – Worms
First appearance: 1994  -  Worms  -  Amiga
List of all appearances

Rad: Weapons. Attitude.
Lame: Have to wait their turn to play the game – no radical in-your-face character with ‘tude would do that!

26 – The cast of Toobin’
1988  -  Toobin'  -  Arcade

Rad: Haircuts. Sunglasses. Semi-extreme sport.
Lame: Just tubed over a waterfall. Incompetence isn’t rad.

25 – The chick from Rad Racket
1991  -  Rad Racket: Deluxe Tennis II  -  NES

Rad: Hair cut. Hand/eye co-ordination. Is a chick.
Lame: Tennis whites with no radicalisation.