24 – Toki
1989  -  Toki  -  Arcade

Rad: Monkey. Shoots flames and stuff out of his mouth.
Lame: Not sure if anthropomorphic or just a monkey.

23 – Air Zonk
1992, Air Zonk, PC Engine/TurboGrafx 16, Turbo Duo

Rad: Sunglasses. Radical facial expression. Giant thumb.
Lame: Is this just Bonk in different clothing?

22 – Cast of Jet Grind Radio
2000  -  Jet Grind Radio  -  Dreamcast

Rad: Clothes. Eyewear. Graffiti.
Lame: Probably wouldn’t be good in conversation. Likely spray painting environmental messages instead of being rad.

21 – Diddy Kong
First appearance: 1994  -  Donkey Kong Country  -  SuperNES
List of all appearances

Cool: Attitude. Hat.
Lame: Perhaps a little spoiled by Daddy?

20 – Dudes With Attitude
1990  -  Dudes With Attitude  -  NES

Rad: Name. Sunglasses. Eyepatch. Treasure chest on tropical island.
Lame: Don’t know what they’re supposed to be?

19 – Conker
First appearance: 1997  -  Diddy Kong Racing  -  Nintendo 64
List of all appearances

Rad: Violent. Potty mouthed.
Lame: For a laugh he would probably knife you in an alley and dance in your splurting blood.

18 – Mohawk and Headphone Jack
1996  -  Mohawk and Headphone Jack  -  SuperNES

Rad: Mohawk, sunglasses, hand sign, muscly lump of yellow putty.
Lame: Standing in front of 1970s curtains.

 17 – Kwirk
1989  -  Kwirk  -  Game Boy

Rad: Sneakers. Sunglasses. Mohawk. Attitude. Hand sign. He’s “The Chilled Tomato.”
Lame: He’s “The Chilled Tomato”!?!

16 – Polterguy
1993  -  The Haunting  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Leather jacket. Good attitude towards death.
Lame: Huge forehead. Is a little too keen.

15 – Roy Koopa
1988  -  Super Mario Bros. 3  -  NES
List of all appearances

Rad: Red sunglasses. Mischievous grin. A joyful trouble maker.
Lame: Always beaten by Mario. Bowser's patsy.

14 – Earthworm Jim
1994  -  Earthworm Jim  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
List of all appearances

Rad: Gnarly attitude. One liners.
Lame: Wears a muscle suit. The game’s bonus levels made me frustrated and angry.

13 – Two Crude Dudes
1992  -  Two Crude Dudes  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Oiled up bodybuilders. Crudeness
Lame: If you met them after the apocalypse they would definitely eat you.

12 – Sonic Blastman
1992  -  Sonic Blastman  -  SuperNES

Rad: Boxing gloves. Armour. Massive sunglasses.
Lame: Looks like a simple-minded middle-aged man in a Halloween costume who does vigilante deeds but is considered so harmless that the police just let him do whatever.

11 – Shatter Hand
1991  -  Shatter Hand  -  NES

Rad: Master class in subtle accessorising for the radical street warrior.
Lame: Could use a good mousse to flatten the hair.

10 – Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
1994  -  Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon  -  SuperNES

Rad: Surgeon with his own flame-encircled name on white hat! Has a small ship with lasers.
Lame: Probably works really long hours.

9 – Cool Spot
1993  -  Cool Spot  -  Game Gear, Sega Master System, Amiga, SuperNES, Mega Drive/Genesis, Game Boy, DOS

Rad: Sold lemonade, made loot. Not shy about introducing himself to ladies on the beach.
Lame: Qwirk without the mohawk.

8 – Viewtiful Joe
2003  -  Viewtiful Joe  -  Nintendo GameCube, PS2

Rad: Throwing whole body into gnarly pose. Primary forehand sign, and subtle secondary sign which subliminally whispers ‘radical.’ Only post-2000 character to be truly rad.
Lame: Rhythmic gymnastics ribbon.

7 – Battletoads
First appearance: 1991  -  Battletoads  -  NES
Find out more about the series

Rad: Spiked kneepads. Thirst for violence. ‘tude.
Lame: Game too hard, made a young Mandroid very tetchy.

6a – Duke Nukem
First appearance: 1991  -  Duke Nukem  -  PC
List of all appearances

Rad: Attitude. Overt randiness. Singlet/jacket combo. Sunglasses. Guns. Girls. Flat top.
Lame: I'm sure I heard someone else say "Come Get Some" first.

1987  - Bad Street Brawler  -  Arcade, Amiga, Commodore 64, DOS, NES, ZX Spectrum

Rad: Flaming sunglasses. Look that says “I will take proactive steps to kill you.”
Lame: A bit weedy.

5 – Billy "Big Bang" Blitz
1989  -  Clash at Demonhead  -  NES

Rad: Black and metal is one of the great fashion combinations. Dash of red on his headband says “I am thinking violent thoughts”. Subtle Ralph Macchio vibe. Laser gun.
Lame: No skateboard. No cool hand sign.

4 – Kid Kool
1988  -  Kid Kool and the Quest for the Seven Wonder Herbs  -  NES

Rad: Corey Feldman resemblance. Ripped jeans. Hatred of wizards.
Lame: Cartoon friends. No pictured form of transportation. General obscurity.

3 – Zeke
1993  -  Zombies Ate My Neighbours  -  SuperNES, Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Spike hair. Skull t-shirt. 3D glasses. Monster killer.
Lame: Was a LucasArts game, so where's the movie?

2 – Kid Chameleon
1992  -  Kid Chameleon  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Rad: Leather jacket. Sunglasses. Rolled up jeans. Skateboard. Can morph into everything in the background.
Lame: Nothing, except he isn’t quite…

1 – BMX Ninja
1988  -  BMX Ninja  -  Commodre 64

Rad: Everything.
Lame: Nothing!

Conclusion

Rad game characters do still exist, there were a few on our list. But the majority of newly created 'rad' characters are weak imitations of the heroes of yore. A raised eyebrow here, a mouth opened in a grimace as if to say “Back up, turkey” there. Like many philosophical movements, radness lives on only through pastiche.

By delving through the 50 raddest video game characters and identifying what is rad and what is lame about them I hope we (or I, if you chose to skim read), through a process I call “a war of attrition and endurance”, have come to some deep, primal understanding of radness. Perhaps an understanding which can be applied to our lives.

Bonus Material: Five Groady Video Game Characters

-1 Radical Rex
1994  -  Radical Rex  -  SuperNES

Would you want to see Jurassic Park crossed with Gleaming the Cube? Of course you would, so why isn't Radical Rex radical? Because it looks like someone finally made that awesome film, but pitched it at infants.

-2 – Awesome Possum
1993  -  Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino’s Butt!  -  Sega Mega Drive/Genesis

Assonance is not rad. Calling yourself awesome is not cool. It's an environmental game, but here in New Zealand possums are a serious pest. Maybe in other countries this is gnarly.

-3 – Wonder Dog
1992  -  Wonder Dog  -  Sega CD

Thumbs up is nice. But head wings, forehead lump of custard, star shine, and the Google letter-colouring scheme are all for dorks.

-4- Fish Dude
1991  -  Fish Dude  -  Game Boy 

Putting the word “Dude” behind any old word doesn’t necessarily make it gnarly, putting "Fish" in front of any word immediately makes it lame.

-5 - Punky Skunk
1998  -  Punky Skunk  -  PlayStation

What's next; Emo Eel? Punky Skunk looks like Pepé Le Pew’s nice kid brother. The background reminds me of the video for “Groove Is in the Heart”. He has Sonic's mohawk and makes me tired.

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