Rank | Change | Last | Player | Comments |
| 1 | NC | 1
| | The Lord clearly does not approve of the whoring, drug taking, and prayer-skipping that has continued unabated. His vengeance can hardly be outranked; we're sure it is the force responsible for this month's shocking level of carnage. Gents, get to a church before the French take over Africa! |
| 2 | + 1
| 3
| | Only the blood-stained hands of the Lord of the Universe can keep the blood-stained maw of the Lord of the Jungle out of the top spot. But enjoy it while you can, you swine. We see your swollen bellies rising and falling as your bodies clog up on the meat of Oxbridge's tastiest sons. This flesh feast will come back to haunt you.
|
| 3 | - | NR | Black Mamba | This is not the best continent on which to hold a Grand Scavenger Hunt where the majority of clues and prizes are concealed in hollow trees and abandoned insect hives. |
| 4 | + 8 | 12 | | See above. The real Grand Scavenger Hunt featured the hyenas eating many a gentlewoman whose tounge was too swollen to allow for screaming. We'd like to give these grinning ghouls a good thrashing. Instead we must reluctantly give them their sepulchral due.
|
| 5
| + 1 | 6
| | Next time someone in Africa decides to have the “Cocktail Party of the Year”, do not let them divert the Continent's supply of quinine towards making a bath tub of gin & tonic. Let not the moral lesson, temperance or death, be lost! |
| 6=
| + 3 | 9
| | In an average month we would hope the casualties that resulted when the Elephant teamed with the Rhino to invade the Cape Town Real Tennis Championship would secure them the top spot. Instead they must settle for joint sixth. We shudder to think what atrocities they will concoct to reach the top next month! |
| 6=
| + 2 | 8
| | While rampaging with the Elephant like Eton boys on a continental holiday, the Rhino made good use of his dangerous horn to storm centre court and perform what has become grimly known as the 'Face Ace'. |
| 8
| - 1 | 9
| Free State Railway Company
| If you open the drinks cart on the Lord's Sabbath, He will submerge your train in a lake infested with snakes and those little fish that can swim up a man's pego. Gladly, we can still take refuge from the Lord's wrath in the cocoon of British Industry; he wisely didn't submerge the excellent first class cabin. |
| 9
| + 5 | 14
| | There is whispering that he is not a true zombie, but cunningly wearing a vanquished zombie's skin so as to follow the undead horde to their underground lair. We reserve our judgement on his enthusiastic consumption of Lady Gerwood's head and shoulders. |
| 10
| - 6 | 4
| | Crazy old Svengali that he is, people have started talking about Kurtz in more sympathetic tones as his 'village' starts to look like one of the few safe places left to live in Africa. |
| 11
| -
| NR
| | Just what we didn't need. A reanimated Egyptian Prince skulking around Cairo in a fez. Someone hop over there and shoot the blighter before he causes any real trouble.
|
| 12
| - | NR | | Trample away, you great oaf. With all the mumbo jumbo going about, many a sane Englishman would welcome the sweet relief of your hooved death. |
| 13
| - 3 | 10
| | Successfully negotiating British control of Manica gives us a surge of Imperial Pride. But such paper shuffling is of little resonance in this month's torrent of gore and flowing offal. |
| 14
| + 1 | 16
| | Rather too much of this sweet tree's liquor was consumed at Thomas Beveridge's birthday party. Grimly, his guests then discovered why a paddle-powered water pump should not be used to evacuate liquor from a gentleman's stomach. |
| 15
| + 5 | 20
| | Did a rancid batch of Plum Sauce inspire Thorowell Willoughby to murder his cadre of Monkey Attendants? Or was there something more disturbing going on in that bizzare old house out in the Serengeti? Another of Africa's unsolved mysteries. |
| 16
| - | NR
| | Word finally reached us from the brave souls of the African New Pet Research Project. Sadly they told us of the bloody lesson learnt; these Yetis of the Forest do not like to be saddled and used to transport small children.
|
| 17
| -15 | 2
| | A clever soul has discovered how to cook the pesky ants that hide in the plant's devilish pod. What was once your hiding place is now a convenient cooking and serving method. Take that you bitey little pests! |
| 18
| - 3 | 15
| | Rumours that he is merely a fictional character inspired by Frederick Selous have sent Allan spiralling into an existential malaise. With our seed money for a quest to Atlantis, no less. |
| 19
| - 6 | 13
| | See 5. The quinine made the gin and tonic tart, but the rather unsavoury bathtub lent it a musky flavour of Mr. Toleridge's dusty backside. A wasted month, all up. |
| 20
| - 1 | 19
| No.27 Engine - South African Railways | The No. 27 has become as much a part of its environment as the rising and setting of the sun. This is just the sort of natural assimilation British Industry should have with Nature. A fine accomplisghment, but this countdown is about flash and dazzle. |
