CEO Lecture Series - #14 Cat Spotting - Norwood Highschool, Mt Alberta, PTA AGM

Does one seek glory or is it thrust upon a reluctant hero, who does great things with no idea of personal glory? I have the answer but first I’d like to talk to you about something that has been a talking point at the highest circles of the nation’s elites. It has been described as the new golf, a great way to meet people and network with key decision makers, pundits have even gone so far as to say the next big idea will be discussed while doing this.  That’s right, I’m talking about cat spotting.

Now people often get a little defensive when new social trends become popular. They are interested, but they are too afraid to really explore the topic because they do not want to look stupid. How many people here today felt the same way about text messaging a few years back, when their punk kids came home from high school crying for a ‘cell phone’? So here is the skinny people - Cat spotting is the art of spotting cats. Sounds simple huh? But there is more to it than that, and many a social climber has come unstuck by shrieking loudly at the first sign of a speckled tabby.

Spotting cats superficially seems like any other pet based voyeurism hobby, but there are three key differences - 1) It’s a public service - heard of feline AIDS, or cat burglars? Hell, the first step to prevention is knowing where the enemy lies, and the cat spotter is the first line of defence 2) Astrology is basically a hokey Babylonian pseudo science that has its hooks into a lot of weak willed people. What these poor suckers don’t realise is that the stars can’t tell you jack shit, no, the real answers can be found by looking into the eyes of a cat. But just not any cat, no, you have to go looking in the wilds, old stay at home fat cat doesn’t know anything, but that alley cat that has lived on the streets knows some powerful secrets 3) Cats are one of the oldest companions of humankind, probably first tamed by the ancient Egyptians, by knowing more about them we can learn more about our own humanity.

So how does cat spotting actually integrate in everyday life? Well, let me tell you a story about a young couple I met last month while visiting the beautiful US Virgin Islands.  John and Alisa were on their honeymoon, enjoying their time together before they returned to real life, where they would soon help construct the society of tomorrow by building a family today. They were clearly deeply in love, and, being in need of some human company after spending all week hosting a virtual conference entitled “Harnessing Robotology in modern Agribusiness” I reluctantly intruded on their alone time by buying them dinner.

As we sat around the large bamboo table I asked several searching, yet polite questions, social chit chat. They were happy to answer, revelling as they were in their own relationship. Turns out they had met through cat spotting. John had long been a spotter, starting in college, and keeping up the hobby once he graduated. He had been trailing a particular flock of feral Persians for several months, seeking to learn their secrets till he had finally identified their base of operations, which happened to be a copse of trees near the bedroom of Alisa. Over a period of late nights and early mornings John gradually mapped the cat’s routine until a vigilant neighbour called the police fearing that John was in fact...

[At this point things get a little wierd, and we can only hope that the rest never comes to light - Ed.]