Rank | Change | Last | Player | Comments |
1 | + 3 | 4 | Not so Mysterious Man from the Future | It turns out his name is Gordon, and when angered (which happens when you call him Gordon, and not FUTURE MAN!) he must be calmed with blood. Your blood. |
2 | + 9 | 11 | | A cutting letter from the Professor addressed to the Panel sparked a furious debate amongst those of differing persuasions. Until our firsts from Oxford and Cambridge can agree on a suitably worded response we must admit to being on the back foot, so far as the battle of wills goes. We can only imagine the success he has had in Monrovia. |
3 | + 10 | 13 | | Fake She, stung by our comments about her fakeness has set about ensuring that those who would be able to physically verify her aforementioned fakeness are dead. Real She got around, so Fake She has had to make widows of many an explorer’s wife. For the record, no one at the editorial offices has ever met She, so cannot and will not verify her identity even if we could. Which we cannot. Really. |
4 | - 2 | 2 | | Confusion is the watchword of the day, and we cannot be sure if Fake She really has killed that many of our compatriots. Perhaps the real She has been settling some grudges under the cover of her doppelganger? |
5 | +4 | 9 | Frank "It is not a cloth cap, and so what if it was?" Selous | Let it never be said that class rivalry isn’t an effective performance enhancer. Maybe Marx was/will be right? |
6 | +2 | 8 | The Flora and Fauna of Mozambique
| Why do the plants and beasts of Portuguese Africa hate the trains of Orange Free State so? |
7 | +5 | 12 | | While British Industry undoubtedly benefited from the construction of the Lost Word Ramp, it is less certain the local villagers have done so. |
8 | + 9 | 17 | | The Empire has been on the march into Nigeria, and the Maxim has been earning its keep. Britain has placed its faith in bullets, not pretty coloured lights! Note to self – cheap tours of Africa can often be the result of a war. |
9 | - 2 | 7 | | Zombie Tarzan may make all the boasts he wants about his control of dinosaurs, but we have discovered who really wears the pants in this relationship. |
10 | - 9 | 1 | | The problem with being number one is you can only go down from there. Do not feel sorry for the lion though, he has many tricks left yet to play. |
11 | -6 | 5 | Mary Tupperwary: Moral Actuary | Africa has had enough of those who would come and pass judgement on their adventurers, lands, beasts, and trains. It is high time she, and her ilk return to the grim drawing rooms of Woking, where they belong. |
12 | - 2 | 10 | | Never trust a fast talking promoter promising riches “if only we could see you in the Music halls” is the motto of this sad story. Swept away in the giddy heights of fame the Zombie Gorillas forgot to keep focused on the prize; killing explorers. |
13 | + 5 | 18 | | No one knows how or why Jimmy is so deadly, but the results speak for themselves. |
14 | - | NR | Mittens the Kitten  | Mittens has gone missing from the Colonel’s wool basket and the entire 96th Infantry has been ordered to find her, whatever the cost. So far it has been rather costly. |
15 | - 9 | 6 | | The phrase “all in a tither” describes the emotional state of Alan, confused as he is over exactly which She he met in Lady Vicker’s Ball. Until this mystery is solved expect little but petulant whining from England’s favourite imaginary explorer. |
16 | + 3 | 19 | | A lucky break with the horses has allowed the Prince to rebuild his fortune, and his collection of antique (but serviceable) muskets. The Cairo police have been warned to keep an extra careful eye out. |
17 | - 1 | 16 | | As was remarked upon in the last table, a criminal lack of ambition has ruined what would otherwise be a terrifying beast. |
18 | - | NR | That rock in Mombass harbour that looks like two women bathing | We all have heard the rumour about THAT rock, but what about the heart ache it causes amongst sailor’s widows? Too many a brave British Sailor has gone to an early grave by getting “just a little closer”. |
19 | - 2 | 17 | Angry Young Political Philosopher | So much promise, but really, too much hubris. Buck up your ideas my boy, or Uncle Franz will cut off your allowance! |
20 | - 17
| 3 | | After a long and fruitful discussion with the Royal Academy it was decided that without knowing what “punk” meant we could not really find this “gun” threatening. We did however give the gun credit for the 5 deaths caused when it was used to wedge open the starboard side port hole on the steamer back to London |
