Not many people know that Karate Party is backed by eccentric (lunatic) Texan billionaire Thurlston Kryling. He's an extremely rich and extremely well connected Man (always with a capital M, at Thurlston's insistence) whose deeds are many and confusing.
If not for Thurl (as we, but not you are allowed to call him) we wouldn't have got the ninja to pose for our banner or have been able to afford junk from the $2 Shop. He's rich and connected. Extremely so.
But Thurlston is also an ideas man. Granted his ideas are always between 5 and 100 years too late, but we try to accommodate him as best we can (he did buy as all those corn chips). Recently we've been saying “no” a little too much. Last month alone we talked him out of a “searching 'net rat”, an online pet food store, and an engine powered by steam.
Then Thurl rang me at 3 on a Tuesday morning saying he just had a dream about a site that “captures all the baffle in the word. You know, the Baffle. All the craziness, you know. All the crisscrossing paths of fortune that we don't even know we're guided with. The site'll be like a mountain trail that you can see from orbit, and when you get up there it spells out the meaning of it all. Yeah? Do that. I need to know what this is all about. Unusual. Baffle. Put it on there.”
“Thurl, you got it,” I said, sounding as confident as I could with the cat sleeping on my face.
I am a man who proceeds with gusto, so I barreled out of bed that afternoon and went in search of baffling facts. I spent weeks combing the forgotten stacks of dusty libraries, learning ancient languages to gain access to the most astonishingly forgotten facts that were stewing in obscurity.
Three weeks in our CEO (always the practical one) called me on my cellphone and asked me where I'd been. After I explained, he sent me links to numerous sites that performed exactly the function of Thurl's fevered dream rant.
We informed Thurl that his dream of an “interesting fact” website had already been fulfilled (when we informed him he seemed to have forgotten about it already, luckily). But before laying this ill-fated project to rest, I'm dumping the 58 truly unique facts I found. These are facts that no other site has. If you see them anywhere else you know for sure were copied from me. I didn't learn Ancient Babylonian just to get my shit ripped off, I'll tell you that much.
The mind of Tony Boyd of Silver Falls, Montana is still trapped inside the world's first virtual reality video game – despite its outdated graphics
Apples are actually a type of red meat
Maurice is a name that exists only in fiction
“Snap” is not an anagram for “pants”, yet logic dictates it should be
The name Frankenstein refers not to the creature in the story, but the doctor who created him. Similarly, the Wolf Man’s real name is Tony
There is no legal definition for lethality. Therefore ninja are above the law
People who are more attracted to women when they are in leopard skin pants really just want to do a leopard
Seeing things in clouds is a sign of future drug dependency
The closest thing to the internet, in terms of logistics and content, is the sewage system
Argon can only be formed in the month of June
The Woman’s Movement was not a German scheiser movie
In 1995, 90% of Germans who moved to a new country cited “Looking for a little bit of star shine” as their reason for leaving
Astronauts report that the novelty of being in space wears off after “about half an hour”
There are 13 diseases that can be spread with a cocksure raise of the eyebrows
Reggae music is just skiffle played backwards
1875 was “Visit Belgian Congo Year”
A pair of spats was discovered in a Mayan Temple – predating man's development of shins by 500 years!
You're more likely to get attacked by a monster in Hamburg than Transylvania
In the 1700s, recently married women would show their dedication to the husbands by puling out any remaining teeth they had and replacing them with wooden teeth made out of their wedding shoes
While every person is unique, there have been 10,212 people throughout history that have been so similar to you as to be essentially the same
The national animal of Djibouti is the Pink Dixie
A higher proportion of the people who list “Becoming President” as their goal will reach it than those who list “Losing Weight”
Artworks can inspire people to change their lives for the better – but this transformational power can never, ever, ever work for the negative
The safety word when being probed by an alien is “Chamois”
The world is made up of secret shortcuts for those willing to jump everywhere
People say “Attorney-At-Law” because in the 1700s Law used to be an office in Woking where Attorneys went to play a punitive game of cards which developed into the legal system
Mexico is home to many fine driving schools
The Ancient Egyptians would have invented the space shuttle if they hadn't wasted their talents on the pyramids
The Aldabrian Silver Raven is the only bird that sings in 7/10 time
Only three people have ever successfully drop-kicked an antelope
That meathead idiot in your class who sells drugs out the back of the gym will grow up to be a policeman
Society is only one bad television season away from anarchy
Oysters can grow up to be either sharks or kittens
If you connect the dots on a world map between the 35 tallest buildings it will spell the word “ass”
Fewer than 5% of Hungarians will take time to visit a swamp this year
95% of leadership is talking over the top of people
A forgotten musical instrument that lies buried in the Sahara desert is the closest thing mankind has built to a model of the universe
The best way to preserve endangered species is in tin cans
A man in Alabama knows what the trees are trying to tell us...but he's keeping it to himself
Scientists predict that 13% of alien worlds have based their major cities around pneumatic tubes
Most gym goers like to life weights because it allows them to sit down while exercising
The first snakes were just circles with a row of mouths on the outer rim and row of asses on the inner rim
The average adult is made up of 43% “miscellaneous mucous”
Dogs grow faster when they are being patted
During a human life the brain will get something completely right about twelve times
You do not want to know where pickled eggs come from
The earliest humans communicated by shrieking
So offensive did the Isle of Man find the show Friends, it is illegal for a Manxman to be named Chandler
The average serial killer only remembers 2 out of every 5 murders
Elephants were accidentally created by Babylonian nuclear research
Water is more flammable than outer space
The first triathlon was completed by George Blanders who was being chased by an unusually determined mob of zombies
British Common Law isn't British, common, or law. It is in fact a codename for wife-swappers
Humans picked up the gene for pity from the mollusk
In ancient Rome is was considered quite fashionable to embroider one's scrotum
The British Parliament was originally a traveling freakshow
Owls are impervious to peer pressure
Giving birth in a pentagram during a thunderstorm increases a woman's chance of giving birth to Satan's child by 3%
